ok.... wla nang lumalabas.... errr

i cant seem to hold on the "me" yesterday, why is it that when you learn something new, you have to let go of the other...

the most striking line yesterday... is just simple non-coherent words today...

i miss writting

i miss my self

when everyone cries for help, would you be there to help? even if you are the one how needs it badly

when smiles are needed in the most depressed situations would you be there to offer one?

. maybe thats life's toughest challenge

to be someone who pretend that you are stong even if your not... happy even if  your sad.... and be with your self when you need someone the most.... how prejudice life can be... harsh if i may add.

i wouldn't boast because others would think that i am trying hard to fit and all those sorts of thing...

just lately i realized something

for this i have to think

all my life i only go with people i like

those people that appreciate me  on who i am really

though calling them as friends it doesnt feel like one

 i really dont know what friends really are

not until now

summer classes over

and  in to another pain

i hate goodbyes, as i always say

true... most likely if its a goodbye that really means goodbye kinda thing

a goodbye that will make me change my daily routine

a looser maybe but its just the way it seems to be

now that they matter to me

they had gone to somewhere

when everything seems to be perfect

why does the dAy ends

when everything seems to be falling in there right places

why does it always have to be a destruction

why is it that when i have someone to care about

the just slip away

just like a sand that you grip in to your closed fist

this time its full and in the other

its half empty

that is why sometimes

i tend to hate life

and all the more i hate life 

it just throws back at me

it will just make me hate myself much more

why didnt i just learn

its always like this

keep on shinning

:) 

GOD BLESS

sorry

im just me

            Nothing is more amusing than thinking, that was Bogs’ belief. As always, he wanted to be alone, to think about love, friendship, and life over and over again. Somehow he managed to get out of the intricate pathway of being alone, if not for her; he would not see the vivacious brightness of a new day.

            I am BOGS…

            I became reasonably quiet, to be in a place where you do not know even a single person, a week have passed and still, no acquaintances. California is definitely not my Philippines, where in I built the greatest part of my life; I wouldn’t be here if not for my mom. Mom was assigned here by the company she is working for, they are going to open a new branch here and mom will be the manager of it.

             A new house, new car, and a new computer: nice to have though, but memories that had been seeded in our house at manila, abandoned. After unpacking all of my stuffs to their respective places, I picked my portable hard drive out of its box and plugged it in my computer to transfer them. It took some time to transfer those files so I opened Firefox, I browsed over the net; Friendster, Facebook, multiply, and my i-blog. No one seemed to miss me, or even just hi or those kind of stuffs- it made me sad.

The transfer is finished, I scanned some of my files then I noticed something that wasn’t mine, I opened it, it was chen’s and it goes “ I’m not sure if you’ll see this but I just want to take all my chances. PLEASE ALWAYS CHECK ON YOUR EMAIL” at the last part of the document are the words I least hear from her – I love you, please take care, for me J <3.

After reading that document, I switched to the Firefox window, created a new tab and opened my email account. To my surprise there are several unread messages and it was all from her. I don’t know but something forced me not to open them and wait until tomorrow. I didn’t noticed, it is already nine in the evening so I turned the computer off and sat on the couch to go over some of my thoughts.

Ideas overflowed within me, the question ”why?” turned up in my mind, always why.

My eyes became heavy. I did not notice that I am starting to sleep. Darkness started to envelope my eyes, and I… I began to dream. The sky was dark, very dark, same as the grass and the flowers, the trees, they looked dead and weltered- everything seemed to be lifeless. I took a step, all that my eyes can see soon regained life - the dark sky became blue; the wilted grass, flowers and the trees began to acquire its vivid colors. I looked around, everything is so fresh, the dull and dead surrounding earlier became young and alive this very moment. It made me more human, refreshing I can say.

From where I was standing I can see a big old banyan tree. Beneath it is a rock where in an eagle is taking its rest. I came closer to where the eagle is, it did not move as if it was implying to me to come closer, fast.  The eagle has something in its foot, a scroll, that’s what it is. I sat down beside the eagle, a few moments past, it flew and circled up in the sky. The eagle left the scroll on the stone, it had a red ribbon. I picked it up, undecided on what shall I do with it, should I leave it or open it? That ruled my head for quite a short while.

Curiosity - the force that made me open it. My heart started to pound very hard which made me catch my breath. I untied the ribbon and put it in my pocket, gently untwined it flat. I first saw a symbol, it is somewhat familiar to me, then a phrase  “EL AMOR ES LA RIQUEZA, EL ES QUE REALMENTE NOS HACE FELICES.” That phrase made me remember everything, as far as my memory can recall, I encountered it a year ago before my Dad died. It was at Sto. Rini, Greece, in one of the statue, I suppose. Something pushed me to stand,I looked around and noticed that the eagle was gone. I searched for it in the vast blue sky, did not care to be blinded by the striking light from the sun. North, south, and east; there were no signs of an eagle.As I started to lose hope, I slowly turned and faced west and there it was. I ran towards west where the eagle was leading to.

All that is inside my mind was that phrase and that symbol, all of these made up one question, WHY?

My legs  started to get weary as I tried to catch up with the eagle. I fell on the ground, got tangled with by the vines that grew on the ground, my tears came falling, I thought it was my chance of unfolding the questions on my mind will be left un answered, but then again, I am wrong.

I cannot move, My body is so tired to move. Suddenly, a gush of wind blew, dust obstructed my vision. As my vision cleared out, I saw something I least expected - it was the eagle. It perched beside the stream of flowing water. Hope shown on my weary faith, energy went back to my body. I managed to sit and noticed that the reflection of the eagle was quite peculiar. No it’s not peculiar, it is strange. It looks like a reflection of a human, a girl. I tried to recognize it but I cannot, she just look so much familiar. Another second past then I heard a voice, closer and closer, then a whisper, “ WAKE UP”

I opened my eyes , I was shocked, it was mom staring at my face closely. “MOM!!!! What are you doing? I would have dead!” I said in shock. “Nothing, you look just like your Father. Oh! By the way you have a letter, its downstairs on the table near the phone,” She said. She got up and went out of the room. I stood up from where I was sleeping and turned the computer on and opened my email account. There were even more messages than last night, I opened the most recent one and it only said “ REPLY ASAP”

I was surprised with the amorphous message that she sent, I just replied with a question, “why? What is the problem.” I got on my feet and went downstairs. I called on mom but I suppose she went to her work already. I made my breakfast and walk upstairs, I noticed that there was an envelope beside the telephone, maybe this is the letter that mom told me. I brought it to my room to read it. I finished my food and opened the tightly sealed letter.

HI!

            How are you? Hope you’re doing fine, and please be safe,  for me J

                                                                                                            Yours truly

                                                                                                                        Chen <3

I was overwhelmed by the letter, but at the back of my head, why send a snail mail if the internet is present. I was about to go out of my room to take a bath but the doorbell rang. I dropped my towel and rushed to the front door.

There were screeching sound of wood, probably that is from the wooden floor of the porch.  It continuously screeched until I heard something falling. I opened the door fast as I saw a girl about the same age as me, and she is lying on the steps of the stairs. something came in contact with my foot and it was a ball, the one that I wanted to have for a long time. Then I remembered that I should help the girl. I went down on my knees, I noticed that her shoelace was stock between the planks, I removed it. I walk down the stairs and lifted her and made her sit on the last step of the stairs. I realized that it was chen, I didn’t know she was here. I don’t know when and how she got here, but all I know, this is destiny.

I sat down beside her, lay her head on my shoulder. The warmth of the ten o’clock morning  soon is replaced with the coldness of the snow. Then I heard her voice, “ In my dream there was a boy running after me.  I don’t know why but he looked eager to catch up with me until he got caught by the vines. I went back, it’s quite frustrating because after that, I woke up,” she said,  “that dream made me follow you here.” I smiled and said “ maybe you dream is a part of mine, but as the circumstances shows, I was the one who flew west and you came running after me…… and now that you are here, I would never again let go of you.”

i met music first then writing comes next

and today photography hunts me...

i never thought that it was kinda hard to be all of those at the sametime

but just now i realized... its not

i always say that i am good in waiting... just like my dog i always wait, for love and for someone....

as i stare in the depths of blankness i was enlightened that my passion... they waited for me to get back... 

as i float back to the surface from the entangling path of darkness, with a yearning passion, i learned that what God has given me should work in harmony

i should write  again

i am writing now  

eventhough its nonsense... these are one of the few post that i wrote in the context of myself

i am happy to be back 

good day 

KEEP ON SHINNING

i never loved someone like her, and she never loved me the way she loved him. as of today, i do not wear italy(the ring) anymore, not because it is being prohibited by the school but maybe i just want to take a step forward,

sabihin man nila na tatanga tanga ako kasi iniintay ko pa sha hanggang ngeon, maisip ko man na im wasting the precious time that God has given me, i would still wait,.

 sana sa muling pag buntong hininga ko hindi na ang "kamote" na ito ang pinoproblema ko coz every time i bring this up inside my head the only thing that i would do is to sigh a very deep sullen sigh,

i am writting about something....and is definitely not like this i dont knoew hot to continue it so i am reading it again and again then i noticed , indirectly it was my story, and i am here again to love tim gonna bring her back to my arms.... and maybe.......................................

just maybe......................... she will be mine again

i have waited a long time for it to beat again, i tried to force it but it just wont. 

sometime this year, almost recently, it started to beat again; to love again, being aware that life, it is really short, realizing that maybe sooner or later , we'll die.

i dont know if it is wrong to be inlove with someone you have loved in the past specially when you know that she has someone,someone much greater than me.

every night, i ask my self why am i not like him, why cant i be the one that she'll love and all. 

my heart... its crying, wishing that they'll be separated . 

my heart.... as i can feel , is weary , and i hope that it wouldnt stop beating just like before 

and just now i realized , its the same person that made me love and made me halt 

sana sakin na lng  xa :(  i love you

keep on shining